KainAsylum (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} kainasylum) wrote,@ 2006-09-03 18:19:00 |
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1995 - 2006
Juli broke up with me yesterday; I didn't make any attempts to change her mind. We both wanted to protect the other from ourselves... our individual lives and personal demons that we inflicted upon each other over the past 10 years. Somehow, we had grown to hate ourselves as a result of who we became to each other. She found herself not knowing who she was living for anymore, and I found myself hating my own sense of expectation for our shared life. Somehow, we each found ourselves unable to live up to the expectations of the other. We had been trying to fix that for the last few years, but ... we exhausted our emotional currency.
It was a good ten years and eleven months. We grew up together and learned a lot about ourselves during the process of being in love with each other and always having somebody insightful to talk to as our life progressed from school to the land of grown-ups. She taught me how to be my true self with people and gave me some much needed skills of empathy for people who are not like me. Nothing was wasted. Everything counted. Juli is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
A piece of me is going to be dead for the rest of my life, but I'm truly happy that I got to know somebody like her... she is really special and unique in this world, a genuinely good soul. We fell in love almost instantly back in 1995 and stayed up for three days straight finishing each other's sentences and catching up on an uncanny shared life that we had lived separately until that fateful October. That is the Juli I fell in love with, and nothing has changed about my feelings for her since then.
I have to protect her from myself. It's the only way that she'll ever be happy... by exploring the beautiful individual that she is without any interference from my suffocating presence. At this point, she can only evolve without me.
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I really want to run away from everything right now... but unlike the last time, I can't just skip class and drink myself to a stupor all semester while experimenting with new vices. I'm obligated to follow through with the other things going on in my life.
Juli broke up with me yesterday; I didn't make any attempts to change her mind. We both wanted to protect the other from ourselves... our individual lives and personal demons that we inflicted upon each other over the past 10 years. Somehow, we had grown to hate ourselves as a result of who we became to each other. She found herself not knowing who she was living for anymore, and I found myself hating my own sense of expectation for our shared life. Somehow, we each found ourselves unable to live up to the expectations of the other. We had been trying to fix that for the last few years, but ... we exhausted our emotional currency.
It was a good ten years and eleven months. We grew up together and learned a lot about ourselves during the process of being in love with each other and always having somebody insightful to talk to as our life progressed from school to the land of grown-ups. She taught me how to be my true self with people and gave me some much needed skills of empathy for people who are not like me. Nothing was wasted. Everything counted. Juli is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
A piece of me is going to be dead for the rest of my life, but I'm truly happy that I got to know somebody like her... she is really special and unique in this world, a genuinely good soul. We fell in love almost instantly back in 1995 and stayed up for three days straight finishing each other's sentences and catching up on an uncanny shared life that we had lived separately until that fateful October. That is the Juli I fell in love with, and nothing has changed about my feelings for her since then.
I have to protect her from myself. It's the only way that she'll ever be happy... by exploring the beautiful individual that she is without any interference from my suffocating presence. At this point, she can only evolve without me.
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I really want to run away from everything right now... but unlike the last time, I can't just skip class and drink myself to a stupor all semester while experimenting with new vices. I'm obligated to follow through with the other things going on in my life.
