The Intentional Life...
"I want ___"
"That would be nice, but you can't have ___ because..."

One day, I just woke up and decided to do it.

That little voice in my head that tells me why I can't have these things has lost my respect.
Everything that little voice said sounded like a lame excuse.
Living in the past.
Afraid to fail.
Unwilling to try, to believe, to expend energy.
...Of no pragmatic value to Kain at this point in his life.

And so it begins.  What if Kain went after everything that he would want in this lifetime intentionally instead of waiting for the "right situation"?  Crafting the world around him with methodical precision... and love.  Yes, love... because that is where the energy comes from.  It comes from the self.

The house purchase is drawing closer.  If all goes well, I will be moving into my own house in east Austin by the end of this month.  I can barely afford this purchase.  But I'll do whatever it takes to make this happen.  It is all a part of the reality I want for myself, one in which I can paint my walls whichever color I want and engage in some "projects" within the confines of my own backyard.

And what's best is that there is no neighborhood homeowner's association :)

Plasma donation went a lot more easily than I imagined, but it left me tired all day.  I will need to get my body in shape if I am to sustain the two donations per week I would need to help pay my mom back for the money she pulled out of her meager life savings to help me.  Whatever it takes.  The time in my day is a pie chart; time goes in, and results come out.  The world is a vampire, and my body is an ATM.

I'm back to quitting the smokes, again.  I think I'll be able to do it for real, this time... because I want to bring the physical back into my life again.  And with the physical comes the version of me that I liked the most... the fighter.  This is what I am born and bred to be... always and forever.  First and foremost.  I fight battles for what I believe in.

Which brings me to... her.  She is a wild card in all of this.  Honestly, I don't know what to make of her.  I did not plan for... her.  But I think there is a reason we are drawn to each other to the point where I can't continue on with the path that I was living.  And within this part of my life... I am relinquishing control... it is the only way to be.  I must be me... for that is the relationship I choose to have with this universe.